Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Overheard at Dunsinane

In which our Diva presents further proof that the higher the body count onstage, the greater the silliness backstage

The Official Macbeth Quote List
GreenMan Theatre Troupe, Fall 2012

Wait, do I come from up-up, or just up?
  -- Galinda Up-Left of the Upper Up-Lefts.

This is the most action I've had all year.
  -- I know.

And she's really a woman?
  -- She's really a woman.
  -- And what is he?
  --  He's a man.

 I'm going to start with lechery.

It sets him on... and it takes him off. There's a child there. I'm sorry.

But I requitted it.
  -- Requited.
  -- Requited... did that too, I believe.

I wanna see that manly readiness.
  -- Come out into the hall.

Uncle Ross! Where are you going? I thought you were staying a week and taking us to Great America!
  -- Great Scotland.
  -- Six Flags Edinburgh.

Nothing like a good bloodcurdling scream.
  -- I don't think I've ever done one of those.

He will teach you how to fall so you don't hurt yourself. Because you've just been stabbed. I'm sorry.

Home fry of treachery!

I feel like I should have a weapon. Even though I don't fight.
  -- You're so violent.
  -- It might make me feel more manly.
  -- So would a sock in your pants.

He's impressed everyone into this army.
  -- Except me. I'm off topping myself.

Macduff was from his mother's womb untimely ripped!
  -- Well, here's a howdy-do.

His k-nell is k-nolled.
  -- Ooh, cannoli?

Three waitresses for the gruel.
  -- It's good stuff.

You're smiling. You're happy. You're king.

I lost one of our children. We have a son/daughter. I'm not sure.

Say goodbye to your chickens.
  -- They're McNuggets, man. Colonel's gonna be happy tonight.

Come be my adopted child. Look, husband, we have another one!
  -- Yes!

You have a throne here, so at some point in this speech you want to sit and... be king.

Good job, honey! Way to get him!
  -- A ghost!

And you're free to paint your story out here. "And you were there! And you were there! It's good to be back in Kansas!"

Thou mayest revenge. Oh. Ohhhh.
  -- Come over here so I can kill you.

Aaaand, fight-fight-fight, fight-fight-fight, die-die-die.

Let me play you the saddest song on the most brutal violin ever.

Last night you were a bench, and tonight Ryan is a chair.

How do you say that to a lady? "Spread your legs a little bit more."

So I hope you've been practicing a good yell. A war cry.
  -- Well, I couldn't on the train.

And remember they make great gifts.
  -- Nothing says "I love you" like a t-shirt from a murder.

If not for the fact that you cut your fingers off when you cut his throat.
  -- Thou'rt the best o' the cutthroats.
  -- Was't not the way?

Knock, knock, never at quiet! Never at quiet. But don't tell me.

So do I go this way to protect them? I want to save my children, but I don't know how.

We hear the scream, beat, and then we see Jimmy.
  -- I can remember that.

Did everyone get their picture taken who wants to?
  -- It's a choice?
  -- Just use a picture of Hugh Jackman for mine.

Ah! That's why you're a bad mother!

The witches will see you now.
  -- Now I'm picturing her like a 50s secretary. "Mistah Macbeth!"

And with my sword I'll prove the lie thou speak'st!
 -- You should probably get a sword.
  -- Macbeth's planning to use the Force.

Poof! And I drop gold coins.

God save the king!
  -- Thank you.

The other attendant went off with the bloody captain, so he cannot be a head-bearer.

Why don't you take the staff and "Hail Macbeth!"
  -- Better stand back, Macbeth. She'll take you out early.

Worthy MacDeath!

He wants the natural touch. He lacks... He's a lousy father.
  -- What? How dare you blaspheme me!

She gets warned twice, and she still doesn't get it.
  -- It's the thought that counts.
  -- I get like a ten-second warning!

He's your favoritest uncle.
  -- He's her only uncle.
  -- That too.

Whither should I fly? I have done no harm.
  -- Aaaahhh!!
  -- Not yet.

I'm just dying to do the scene.
  -- Don't say "dying" about this scene.

Are we eating worms? Om-nom-nom.
  -- I don't like worms. I realize they have a lot of protein, but I don't like worms.

Double, double, toil and trouble! Fire burn and cauldron bubble!
 -- [from corridor] Arooooooo!

Let's take it from that finger.
  -- That finger?
  -- Give him the finger, Grace!

And when he says "horrible sight"... You say "horrible sight," right?
  -- We can only hope.

Good. Excellent. I wanted to point that out right when it happened.
  -- Now I'll never say it like that again.

Witches, try not to get in the way of a sword. Fighters, try not to get in the way of a witch.

And all my children?
  -- They were well on the Red Line when I did see 'em.

I want to start with Act V Scene II, which is when the rebels start to assemble.
  -- You mean the liberators of Scotland.

The cry of women, plural. I scream, you scream.
  -- We all scream for dead queen.

That's all right. They'll remember the porter. That's all I care about.

Let's take it from the bad news.
  -- Your pizza will be delivered late.

That speech soars with the thrill of victory and the agony of defeat. To quote NBC Wide World of Sports.
  -- In the 70s.

Hey, there's a question. Do I get my own thumb?
  -- We have a thumb. Well, we have four fingers.
  -- Set your thumb in your costume.

The Bears are winning 10-7, if anyone cares.
  -- Oh, you are good.
  -- I'm a full-service AD.

Oh, look at the time. Ding! *heads offstage*

Let's try that one more time, much slower.
  -- All of us?
  -- Well, one of you can't go slow and the rest go full speed.

He's going to go quite a way away from you, and it'll look closer to the audience.
  -- It looks pretty close to me too.

Oh shlave!
  -- Shlave?
  -- Yiddish Macbeth.

He's only mostly dead.
  -- Flllllyyyyyyy gooood Fllleeeaaaaaance...

Oh, the Duncan murder. We just had a murder.
  -- I know! I just can't get enough murder.

I thought he was over there.
  -- No.
  -- I don't know. I've been drinking all night.

Whatever it takes to make you look as good as the rest of us.
  -- How much time have you got?

It is a peerless kinsman.
  -- That's right, I am.

Oops. I just stabbed the ground.

I thought it was Steve.
 -- Uh, Steve Two.
  -- Paging Steve Two.

Let's put the sword in his crotch, shall we?
  -- That's a great plan.

Wow, it looks just like Carl!
  -- You are currently a coconut pirate head.

And his fiend lite queen! 
-- I'm not a fiend. I'm just fiend lite.
  -- She's just misunderstood.
  -- That's right.

Bless you, fair maid. Fair maid?
  -- Not with two kids, she ain't.

I'm going to find a drink of water somewhere. All that killing has made me thirsty.

She's the old witch. I'm trying to make goo-goo eyes at him.
  -- Grace is playing hard to get. Would you like a fan for this?

And all together on that "seek." He suddenly becomes radioactive.
  -- Evil king cooties!

Thy royal father was a most sainted queen. Blah. He's a cross-dresser.
  -- Scotland was a wacky place.

You don't necessarily want to hurt him, but...
  -- I do want to hurt him.
  -- Well, okay.
  -- Character choice made.

I can teach you a little bit to do with the wooden swords.
  -- As long as you don't kill Mommy.
  -- Or each other.
  -- Oh, I don't care about that.

You look like the Grim Reaper. It's a good look for you.

Can we hear your scream back there?
  -- There's no way he caught us. We are fast.

I thought we were doing half speed, is all.
  -- Oh, that is half speed.

Oh, yeah. This is where you punch me in the face.

And now this is where you say your line.
  -- Yo' momma!
  -- I don't think that's the line.

The attendant holds it in case the king needs it.
  -- Yeah, so if we get attacked, you take the sword and --
  -- Run like hell.

We have about 20 minutes to slice off of Act I. And you have the swords to do it.

My children are interchangeable. That's why I had two.

There's a head in there. I'm not going in there. It's too creepy.

You're scaring the witches. That's a good thing.

Your son, my lord, is a little strange.

If we end it there, Macbeth wins. He's crazy, but he wins.

Root of hemlock digg'd in the dark. Sorry, that creeped me out.

Flash of lightning! Sparks fly! It must be a witch's curse!
  -- Amazing special effects!
  -- And then no lights.
  -- Yeah, those aren't the effects we want.

I like killing Ryan too. That's just funny.

You can clean up your own blood!

From where all the dead bodies are. Can I have my dead bodies, please?
  -- Do you want us to lie down?
  -- Yes.

Think of THIS, good friends, but as a thing of custom. I'll check the other line later.

I have a cold, so we can hug.
  -- I probably gave it to you. Sorry.

Because your mother sewed a label right on the hilt that says "Murderer #1."

Come in, without there! *beat* Really, come in, without there!
  -- These doors are thick, my lord.

How convenient! A head-pole holder!

And now we drink all the beers.
  -- I have almost forgot the taste of beers.

Look! It's a bird! It's a plane! No, it's Stan in a cape.

I'm just going to stab Carl in our fight. Be like, "Yo, Duff! I got him!"

Anybody got any mending they need done?
  -- At home.

Sorry. I got entangled in a fertility cult.

Buckets of blood, no waiting!

He is a murderer, after all.
  -- Yeah, I'm gonna murder your whole family in a little while.
  -- That's rude.
  -- There's a recession on. He needs the money.

Hark! A Vagrant by Kate Beaton

Friday, November 2, 2012

Endings and Beginnings

In which our Diva has two of one and one of the other

Ending the First: Final weekend of Macbeth at GreenMan Theatre Troupe! I couldn't have asked for a more amazing experience playing That Scottish Lady, thanks to director David Soria, my marvelous Mackers Carl Zeitler, and too many more people to list even though each and every one of them is thirty-one flavors of awesome. If you're planning to come out this weekend (and I hope you are!), a little box-office birdie tells me Saturday night in particular is filling up, and reservations are recommended for any of the three remaining performances.

Ending the Second: Also in the category of Awesome People I'm Glad To Have Met is the ever-affable Andy, host of the Being Human Cast podcast. I met Andy when we were both on the Being Human discussion panel at Dragon*Con 2010, and have had the privilege of babbling nigh-endlessly about that remarkable example of TV storytelling as guest host on several episodes of the podcast. After some soul-searching, Andy made the tough decision to close the podcast's three-year run with Episode 38, and kindly invited me to join him in a wrap-up discussion of the end of Series 3 and an overview of Series 4. We examine the resolution of Mitchell's tragic arc; take a moment to bid farewell to Daisy, my favorite free-spirited vampire and occasional cosplay alter-ego; give Nina, George, and Annie some well-deserved love; and spend a bit of time pondering where things are going with the newest denizens of Honolulu Heights. If you're a Being Human fan, give it a listen, and let us know what you think!

And a beginning! The moment I get home from post-closing festivities for Macbeth, I'll be packing my set bag to start filming Witchfinder the very next day. After all the detailed prep work, it's finally time for the dark historical world the crew have been building to come alive. I'll bet even my stunt double over there is looking forward to it, and she can't even stand up without a little help from production designer Arianne Clarke and costume designer Alisha Tyler! What a dummy...