In which our Diva gives thanks that her Frankenstein castmates made everything such fun backstage
Frankenstein Official Quote List
GreenMan Theatre, Fall 2014
You can be in various stages of beverage... ness.
Let's have you pout again. That was good.
You're just kind of frantic piano-ing, so you don't notice him right away.
She's a great governess. She's the best. And you really did have a frog situation with the other one.
If you're not Victor or the Creature, you can take five.
- Am I the Creature?
- If you don't know if you're the Creature or not, I can't help you.
So fight your natural instinct to get up and punch them in the face right away.
Walk it off. She's going to die. You just got beat up.
You're Enlightenment guys. You think you know everything because you read a book.
- I read two books, thank you very much.
Any inappropriate audience reactions will be dealt with by the Creature.
I feel bad for Victor, but I hate him too.
- Ding-ding-ding! You get to lead the talkback.
I made you a present.
- I made you a playmate. He's in the park waiting for you.
- Totally in keeping with the period. Handmade presents.
And once the set's built, the first time you smack your head on that wall will remind you.
Did we do this part yet?
- No. Be careful.
- Kung fu Frankenstein.
Easiest scene transition in the entire show. Except for the giant tarp.
I think Bill & Ted might have paid a visit and dropped their shoes off.
What am I doing?
- Trying to comfort the crazy man.
- Same as always.
Now let's do one "happy, fun, before everyone dies."
Let us talk of happier times. Things. Topics. Three T's.
And then I realized that someone was talking about watching Dexter's Laboratory when they were little, and I was sad.
No! No amount of torture? Line.
Thank you, son. I will go and inform your wife. Uh, your future wife. Your bride.
- That's the one.
Justine and Elizabeth, you learn about this conversation, and you can feel about that however you feel about that. Disgruntled is one option.
I wrote in big letters "Victor and Creature up." Because you both love the floor.
Whose body parts are these? Why hasn't CSI been invented yet? We can pay them in Toblerone and clocks.
Elizabeth, you're next. We're going to kill you now.
- What about Henry?
- Oh, yeah, Henry!
- I'm going to live.
Dying is great. Keep doing it.
I think that will work better once I figure out where to touch her in a nice way.
- Yes. We don't want any sort of lawsuits.
So in a... appropriate for Dad, and yet also, like, kind of locker-room way.
The Creature has an extra body part.
- It's your purple appendage.
Go to the end of 7. Victor beats Effie. I mean Elizabeth. That's a different scene that I didn't write.
This guy said, "You look like Tina Fey," and I was like, "You're too old for me. Do you have a grandson?"
Why couldn't you get, like, a whole person and bring him to life?
- Well, that's no challenge!
I finished punching and I thought, "Oh, I wonder where I went with that? Well, it doesn't matter now."
My keyword for a crushed windpipe will be a lot of wheezing.
You're sort of period-esque moving while carrying a bench. And if that's not vague enough for you, I can try to make it a little more unclear.
That time I was listening for the knap. I have been growling. I like growling. Growling is fun.
That felt kind of weird.
- It looked weird. I think it's because your foot got hooked on her boob.
- If I had a nickel for every time somebody said that...
At what point in that do I die?
I've been saying, "I've been riding a horse for forever. Is this Felix's family?"
- You'll notice that I'm walking weird. It's not just because I'm Spanish. I've been riding a horse.
I think you can enjoy his bad Spanish a little more. You already are, but you can be like, "Oh honey, we don't need to talk."
We speak the universal language.
I wrote lots of kissing notes tonight. We'll work on it.
People will get it. And the people who don't, that's fine. Their friend will explain it to them in the car on the way home.
Warm up your slapping hand.
Ben's doing this reaction of "Oh, my hand came from a dead guy. That's gross. Oh, and this one too. That's also gross."
Henry, your grossness is still awesome. Keep it up. Literally.
It can get a little shouty. Then it's like, "I have rage! Don't you have rage? Yes! I have rage!"
Erick, you need to learn to use a blanket. Or maybe it's Frank.
Early is on time. On time is late.
- Late is dead.
He's trying to defend you, but it's not working very well.
- Yeah, you're supposed to be poking me.
- I'm not into poking anyone.
- It's against my beliefs.
You're so friendly. I'm too hungry to be friendly.
- As long as you don't actually eat the people you're greeting, it's all good.
You sing like a bird. A vulture.
Becky, are you ready to get your face beat in?
Do you sweat?
- He sweats on the inside.
- I sweat on the inside and then I spit it all over Erick in our fight scene.
I think Val should go on just like that. Nothing says intimidation in the courtroom like a tank top and curlers.
I didn't care for Romper Room. It was too educational.
Everything has changed. The show is now a musical.
- Ohhh, sweet mystery of life, at last I've found you!
- That's now the jail scene.
- Hey, I'd be way more scared of Madeline Kahn than some random thug with a stick.
It's all your fault. You made me kick my own butt.
Unfortunately, most of the sound and light cues are cued off of violence.
Ahh. Oh, my knee. Ahh.
- Oh, come now, you're a better actor than that.
- We're gonna have to shoot him.
I'm waving the grey flag.
- It's like, I'm kind of giving up. I sort of quit.
I'm telling lies to the child. What else is new?
Keep the bottles for Foley purposes.
- Keep the bottles for killing.
- I actually said "Keep the bottles for Foley," not killing. But killing is just as accurate.
Don't pace behind me.
- I'm not pacing. I'm staring.
Yeah, that would be me leaving my brain in my other pants. Or rather my pants in the wrong place.
You've never looked at your scalp before?
- Not close enough to see freckles.
- Thank you, 27.
- Sorry. Fifty-seven.
- That's better.
- Thank you, heart attack.
I was tempted, but I never seriously thought about it.
- About what?
- Punching someone.
- Hunting someone?
- PUNCHING someone.
- Oh, I thought you said hunting someone.
- That's a whole different level.
You want to do some highlights here so you can see the breakage of his head.
- "Breakage of his head" is a phrase I really only want to hear in very specific circumstances.
I died? Nobody told me this.
Look what I found in the back.
- Yay! More death!
- More death bottles.
- I'm going to have a fear of water bottles after this.
Why are we sitting on Duard?
She spent the whole week going "Thursday... Thursday..."
- I'll kick his ass on Thursday.
- And you know Mr. Val was like, "Honey, what's wrong?"
- I haven't beaten anyone up in DAYS.
Do whatever you need to do to bring extra energy.
- Should I eat all my Halloween candy?
- I recommend doing that AFTER the show.
Thank you for washing my super-gross shirt.
- Oh, yours was nothing compared to Erick's.
- That was my excuse to myself.
Why didn't you make a puppy, seriously? Or, like, a chimpanzee.
- Yeah, science starts with small animals. You should have made a slug.
And I saw it for the dumbest reason. I'm seven years old, and I saw Alan Rickman, and went *clutches heart*.
- Y'know, Becky, that tells us so much about you.
- It really does.
I'm going to tell her she's the cat's meow, and she's going to tell me I'm the cat's pajamas.
- I love cats! And pajamas!
What if they canceled the show because someone couldn't get a shoe on?
- That would be...
- It would be a one-shoe show.
Erick, you've been e-Victored.
- You have no idea how much joy that brought me.
I will find you a water.
- But only the green ones.
- Don't start with me.
Looks like a greatcoat.
- Well, it's good. I wouldn't call it great.
I already came up with a way that everyone could be happy. Except Justine.
Hey, Rachael, you used to be on my side. What happened?
- I was never on your side. Sorry.
This isn't working.
- You have to work for it.
- I did. I gave her four mints for it.
- That's not work. That's bribery.
I feel naked without at least eyeliner.
- See, I feel naked without clothes, so I usually wear those.
Well, you had that look on your face like, "First I'm going to find out how you're doing, and then I'm going to destroy your day."
You should wear that out there. Be like, "I killed Victor."
- I killed him for the hat.
- I wish you never went to University! Bang!
That might not be the right show.
- What show would it be?
- See, I'd give it to my family, and my dad would be like, "Well, he said it was an adaptation."
- I created a giant rabbit. He's invisible.
Now do you see the dangers of this game?
- There are no dangers. I've only been hurt once, and that was when someone interfered.
- True. And that someone was your mother.
So your version of flipping the bird to your mother is stealing all her chocolate and bringing it to us.
- Yes. Also, she told me to.