In which our Diva records the lighter backstage side of her last theatrical endeavor
Missing my Dracula peeps tonight. It really was one of those special casts. And how can you not miss people who say stuff like this...
Dracula Quote List
GreenMan Theatre Troupe, Fall 2008
You're like his pocket Vixens.
-- That's the only time I've ever been referred to as anyone's pocket anything.
The necks on her mark are gone!
Can I have both of them?
What'd you bring us from England, Daddy?
But you've mastered your fear. Jedi vampire.
You are for the ages.
-- He says that to all the girls.
I have experience stripping people that fast.
-- I heard that about you.
Be right with you, Sewie.
The complacent man!
I see. A gift from an ancient enemy.
-- *beat* Yes. It is.
Vampire domestic violence yay!
Don't worry. You're perfectly sane here.
So it is a cross in his pocket.
-- And he's not at all happy to see her.
Get used to that sofa, Jonathan.
I seen it with mine own toon eyes!
I am not... going to... keep talking.
You're probably gonna give him a creepy stare. And then you'll run away like a little bitch.
In the name of the Father.
-- And of the Son.
-- And of the Holy Ghost.
-- *beat* Oh, I'm sorry. *unholy shriek*
I just call it his bag of tricks. God knows what he's got in there. Van Helsing and his bong.
There's a clown loose in this room with a knife!
-- Disguised as a pen!
That is disturbing.
-- Jonathan "Hara-Kiri" Harker.
You ought to talk to Bluebeard about that locking-us-up thing. It never ends well.
Crash. Bang. Lighting effect.
Wow. You have read ALL of the Sparkle!Crack. I applaud you.
I don't do body fluids.
-- And yet you're in this show.
Every time I do this, I injure you.
I mean, he can just use his Jedi mind trick, and there goes the door.
NOOOOOOOO!! ... Sorry.
Maybe it's sort of crablike.
-- We're going to be everything in the animal kingdom by the time this show is done.
Have not his outbursts coincided with Miss Lucy's... whatever?
There we shall cut off her head and stuff her mouth with garlic.
-- How about driving a stake through her heart first?
-- THEN we will cut off her head and stuff her mouth with garlic.
-- There's no garlic.
-- Do you want some garlic bread?
The tools, Mr. Harker!
-- Power drill.
Now you can procure a ship, Seward.
-- I'll procure a ship and... be a sailor. Line.
I wear the pants in this relationship.
-- Which makes us the garter belt.
And you must be... Mmmmmmina. *squeak* I suck!
I have baby in my hair.
Let's take it from the Seward toss.
-- Now we know what this show is about.
-- Where's the riding crop?
So, Mina, we'll hook you up to nobody here. It's a magic transfusion.
He's just a wanton toddler with a violin.
I knew there would be a place for me in your kingdom, a holy *kak*.
It's like I'm catching you and throwing you, all with one hand.
-- Catch and release.
That can't be right. I haven't been to Budapest.
You've got a soup bowl there.
-- I do?
-- The big gold thing.
-- I thought it was a chamberpot.
With what power do you lure the living shit?
Is that what happens? You die, go to heaven, and become a Vixen?
Let's hope you're down in there, so I can go without going.
-- Go without going. Let's not pursue that thought too far.
I wanna bite you.
Can I have some crypt movers?
I'm having fang envy. Yours are bigger than mine.
No more projectile fang incidents!
You mean you don't have three hands?
-- I could do it with my foot. Then we'll see how coordinated I am.
-- It's like rubbing your tummy and patting your head.
-- And chewing gum.
Does she look naked to you?
-- Not naked enough.
There's going to be stuff in that rat. Try not to get it in your eyes.
It's as close to real blood as you can get and still be edible.
-- Real blood is edible.
What flavor are they?
-- I can't believe it's not Christ.
And the Vixens give "baby wipes" a whole new meaning.
Can you try to stand steady while the cross is burning?
I feel like we're giving blood. Except I don't get a cookie, dammit!
I'm singing lullabies to the tortillas. That's really all I can do.
Welcome! I am pantsless! *evil laugh*
I give you full permission to do whatever you want. And I don't say that to many men.
I can store everything in here. It's the breast place for it.
There's a whole new meaning to "sucking chest wound."
-- It's more licking.
You let someone see your ass?
-- I let him touch it. I didn't let him see it.
You are weak now, but here is roofies.
She can slip me anything she wants.
Who am I kidding? I'm the most anti-deadpan guy I know.
-- Are you undeadpan?